Dirt Camp

I got involved with the a local non-profit community centre to help out with a week long Dirt Camp. After a week speculation, I can safely say I am firmly planted in the xc discipline and on the ground with the fogies. The kids, grades 6-8, had very little interest in the mechanics of climbing position, power transfer or weight shifting or any of the technical cycling knowledge I tried to impart on them. It seemed more about how "bouncy" (the term "rebound"never really caught on) one's forks were and how minimalist the ventilation was on one's brain bucket.

And, of course, points are awarded for GQ style as demonstrated here by Aaron.

My self cooling, none bobbing setup was quickly dismissed. Greg was my wing man. Where I specialized in encouraging the kids to break themselves he was pretty good at patching them up and then filling out the accident reports. The Jack Lemmon to my Walter Mathau.

Phil getting sutured after throwing himself in front of Marco who had lost control
and was careening towards certain tears. Truly selfless.

From what I gather they seemed to be of the school that likes to have their bikes airborne as much as possible and the 'contact patch' was not so much where the tire touches the ground, but was located on the sides and top of the helmet. These kids didn't believe in spending hard earned allowance on a helmet they would never put to use, in the most literal sense. I must say, I got caught up in it all, until the nose of my saddle got caught in the hole I had unknowingly worn in the baggies that I had donned for the sake everyone's modesty, and I endo'd hard. This firmly convinced me to reestablished my more conventional 'contact patch' style of riding.

There was, typically, one kid who absolutely hated riding his bike. How he got involved in a week long day camp centered entirely on biking is a mystery. We did manage to cajole him to the outer reaches of his comfort zone and I was fortunate enough to capture to moment in this action still.

Tanner slaying the hump

Tanner had originally only agreed to stand atop the hump with his steed in hand. I don't think it was so much the peer pressure that changed his mind, as much as the inability to control said steed to bring it to a stop before he was 'aloft'. Bring it, Tanner: Brought!

Let's do it again in August! If you want to get your kid in on the hella (I picked up some new slang, as well!) wicked action ask around at local bike shops or community centres. I learned a lot and had fun, and I hope the chillen did, too.

Oh, and it rained, too. Just like it did in Ontario for Chico Racing's 24hr Summer Solstice race last weekend. Reports tell me that the first 2km were removed right away due to mud and soon into the race the final 1.5km where removed for the same wheel jamming, shift sabotaging, snot slick reason. After 12 hours of misery the gate was closed to additional laps. Kudos to Replicator (over at ECMTB) [edit: CK over at Cogeyed] for pulling out a 4th place finish with his partner. I don't think he'll mind if I hook you up to his pictures.

I hope the weather will pull together for the next big race here in the extreme east. Bruce at Hub Cycle is well known for putting on awesome events and he's back at it in Wentworth Valley, NS. Bruce and I rode the Trans Gaspisie together last year. Well, 'together' with Bruce 5-10km ahead of me.

Go big or go... small, medium even; 100km, 70km or 30km.

This race features Nova Scotia's highest peak and $100 to the first male and female racers to the top of it. My SS nemesis is going to ride this, but he says just for funzies. I would hate to ruin his day by showing up with my single speed and game face to force him to race, not to mention ruining my day the same way.

I'll leave you with my latest form of domestic torture I have been throwing at any unwitting rube: the unjoke.

Q: How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One. Electricians are trained professionals.

cricket, cricket

That's right folks, I'll be here all week. Try the veal.

How Was Your Mid-Weekend?

In the spirit of 'Christmas in July' I often decide to take my weekend on Wednesday and Thursday, a mid-weekend, if you will. Avoid weekend traffic, beat the mobs at the beach, and find out who your friends really are when you ask around for people to call in ailing for some sick riding. I decided to head for Moncton to spend a day in the Fitworks shop with Get Rheal. I had left my Red Metals with him to tend to some cracked spoke nipples (hehe, I said spoke) that i had managed to crumble in nothingness. He had ordered the spokes (8 of which retail for a day's wage), but was missing a crucial tool, I had to complete the job. The tool consists of a magnet and the tiniest screw I have ever seen. It is only by divine oversight that I still have this bit, because it is smaller than a grain of rice. The idea is to thread the screw into an aluminum nipple (hehe, aluminum) and then slide it around the completely sealed rim with the magnet to where it's needed, a little jiggle (pfffft, little) and voila, right? Wrong! 2 hours and four spokes later... Get Rheal eventually figured it out. It's a good thing these wheels are as tough as the day is long. It is literally the first time I touch them in...jeeez... 2500 kms, a very full season of riding and racing. After that fiasco, it was on to one of my favorite games, 'Find the Creak'. If it wasn't painfully evident that I am a shit wrench before, it is now. I lubed with tears of frustration and never made it to the beach.

What I most likely missed: Surly Beach Beetches

Saturday/Wednesday evening ride was the shits. Some fine trails in the K-not I used to hit on reg were all but unridable due to recent deluged and continued use. On the east coast, especially when you're down low near the ocean level, entire trails will turn into slop after any more than 20mm of rain. No matter how well they are designed to drain or how much exposure to the sun they have, they need quite a bit of time to dry out. This particular trail is very central and easy to access so it gets lots of traffic, evident by the uncountable soon-to-be bone shaking wheel ruts. Maybe, a formula is in order for those who just don't get trail sustainability.

amount of rain (x*r) + amount of use (x*u) = wt/f

Where x = tons, wt/f= Stay off the trails, you dick! For all the fun you'll have pushing your bike through the slop, so you can add years to your drivetrain and gum your cable up really good with bog filth, you may have an instant of real thrill when you almost slam your thick head into a tree on some treacherous, snot-slick descent. All this fun and the only cost is leaving the trail destroyed for anybody patiently waiting to ride lovely, flowing ribbons of happiness through the woods. Suck it up and ride the local double track à la early 90's. You can't hurt that stuff.

There's always hitting the high ground, too. Hillsborough was bone dry and we hit it hard on Saturday/Thursday. SteveC, Peanut, Bud and I ran into the SEMBC boys and set the bar for slaying radtarded dirt dragons (ie rode our bikes). I swear we were having so much fun there was a rainbow jet stream shooting out my butt. I got to try SteveC's Karate Monkey and it was dialed (later on I took his 1X9 Crosscheck for a dance!) We got some guitar wizardry (Was that an arpeggio?!) to wash down our beer from my man Danny Roy and The Dirty Rigs.

I had my camera the whole time and never snapped a single picture. You'll have to look at some of your own pictures of cool trips while your manservant reads this to you. Or, you could close your eyes and imagine bobbing for laughing fits in a bucket of kick ass. I had awesome smeared all over my face. Imagine myself looking a lot like Horny, here.

Horny is to fishing what I am to biking.

Thanks to all who made it happen.

But, now my mid-weekend is over and it's back to the old grind. I got a bad case of the Mon... jumpin' Jehoshaphat, it's the weekend. Woooohooo! I'm so excited I could pants a stranger.

If Jack helped you off a bike...

I'm well overdue for the Woolastook 5 race report. The trails were in great shape. If your front tire hit leaf on the single track, you were no longer on the singletrack. There were no elongated climbs, but more tough little singletrack grunts that became 'hike a bike's' for most during the later laps of the 5 hour race. There were very few spots to coast or spin, it was work getting around. The weather was cool for the volunteers and perfect for the cyclists, that paired with bone dry trails, made for an quite an entrance for the 2009 race season. Well, done girls! It must have been record turn out for the F class racers. Woolastook trails never looked so good. It was everything I expected (I would say "and more!", but I failed to get a draw prize. Not even a pair of ladies cycling socks. So, it was not more.) Even without a bottle cage being given to me I was handed my ass (in almost the same condition it was taken in) by Don(2nd) and Chris(1st), and a third place trophy for the SS cat. Well, done boys. The trophy's this year where of the quaffable, speech slurring variety from the private cellar of o9 man.

Here are the Woolastook 5 results.

I believe, the next Maritime MTB event of interest will be the Summer Solstice/NS provincials.

I can safely say that this poster sucks. Yawwwwwn.
Is this an undersell/over deliver marketing technique or something.

If you really got your shit together (which I do not) you'll be heading to the 24hr Summer Solstice that Chico Racing is putting on. I didn't make the attendance cut off for registration, which evidently goes very quickly. Next year, next year.

The fore mentioned Don Ricker had a nasty spill at the Halifax Crits this past week and got pretty messed up. Don has been prominent figure in the cycling scene around here. It was Don and his 69er that inspired me to get on the SS party wagon, and I'm sure he inspires others on the regular with his contribution to cycling and racing in and around Moncton, NB. I didn't say 'numerous contributions', because he's only made one. One constant, unending contribution that has lasted years and will go on for years to come, I dare say. He's sure to make a full recovery and here's to hoping it's speedy one. Just relax and let the morphine lead for this dance, Don.

The big domestic move that has now reached the stage of boxes strewn about recognizable rooms in the new digs

Unable to afford professionals, we did the move ourselves with a rental.

After 3 brutal days of packing, moving and cleaning I have this reflection: Who the hell takes the last roll of TP before they move. You know, that half roll the is on the wall already. What kind of goomba takes it with them when they move (not to mention, all of the stoppers are missing for all the drains. WTF!) This is ignorance that borders on Malice... 10,9,8,7,6...*sigh* Anyway, Miss Lucky and I are downtown now, and I must say I feel the urban karma gods are happy. Even Escape from the Red Planet has settled down bit after a string of punctured tubulars. 3 of them in as many collective hours of riding. I know! Of all the rotten, stinking, no good... 10,9,8,7,6...*wheeeeeew* Stay tuned for my patching 'sew-ups' tutorial.

I nicked this from the Boner Party. That guy's got his finger on the pulse.

Chivalry is not dead as demonstrated here by the cyclist.

I know what your thinking; That's a nice jacket!

The recent Critical Mass in Moncton was a great success from all the reports I've gotten. 85 cyclist turned out for a very tasteful and respectful cruise along the byways of the muddy river city. I can't find many pictures, though. This guy's got some.

I haven't got any internettes for my new home yet and I'm doing this illegally from work. I don't know when our next communique will be, but until then, keep your primary mission objectives: Ride.