Sunday, March 29, 2009

Pay Attention

and I give your my personal guarantee that you will never forget the alphabet again.

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Thursday, March 19, 2009

This and that

The snow mobile tracks all through the back 40 are packed down tight like rails through the trees. Some spots that are impassible during riding season due to the frequency of four synchronized wheels churning the trail into a pea soup like substance, are a breeze when frozen under 3 feet of snow.

Season is upon us, my friends. Are you spending the last of your time in the snow?

Like this

or like this?

However it is that your getting it out of your system keep it up, because soon there's gonna be lots of this.

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Those are your toes: you only get ten.

Buddy didn't "rite" me back, so that's a little disappointing. But, this is awesome.

Skitching sans wheel. Makes these look down right practical, though this is still pretty dumb.

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Monday, March 16, 2009

Selflessness: the unspoken code of the Private Dick

Maybe, it's something in the fancy brown water they were feeding me over the weekend in monkey town or my time alone the New Brunswick outback (approximately 15 ungodly minutes from downtown Fredericton) that has awakened in me a fervent altruism. While, perusing my morning publications I found this at HTATBL.

I laughed a lot and thought of all this laughs to come this week, like I do every Monday morning. At this point, I was living only for my own gain, no thought to thee strife of others or how I might help them with their unfortunate outcome on the terrestrial craps table we scramble around on. Allah's die giveth, and then grabbeth right back. This all became real to me when I found this.

selling mountion bikes all colours have 10 of them

Price: $180.00
Ad ID: 113674466
Visits: 11
Address: Fredericton, NB View map

Location: Fredericton

Date Listed: 15-Mar-09

hi im selling 10 mountion bikes selling 1 bike for $180 ok i have 10 mountion bikes and want to sell them for $180 for 1 and if u want to buy 1 wrighte me back thanks chris

Hmmmm. This looks like it could be a mystery worthy of fueling up the mystery machine, even at $.84 a litre. I try to be diplomatic in my appraisal of just about everything. So, I'm gonna do some holistic research before I grab my overcoat with a flourish and tell my secretary to hold all my calls for the day.

By my calculations...

there are two different possibilities the reason this person has come to sell 10 bicycles. Possibility A and B.

Possibility A- A collector and avid cyclist has found himself in dire financial need and is forced sell of his entire stable to make ends meet. It's already painfully obvious that his savings for further education in the field of freelance "wrighting" has dwindled. If I understand correctly, he has taken the $1800 value of his entire fleet given an equal value to all the bikes. This is probably for accounting reasons. This is perfectly legitimate and there is no need of my sleuthing prowess.

Possibility B- All of these bikes have been procured from their original owners and the current custodian has no idea of value of the whips and is selling them in the least imaginative fencing scheme known. I must contact this man and identify the bicycles, before he is contacted by the wrong people, cornered and stoops to bashing their headsets in, a la low life, Keith Barton.

I realize these are on opposite extremes of the spectrum of reasonable possibilities. Don't make me remind your the extreme nature of my diplomacy in rationalizing. It's to late, now, anyway. I've made contact with the vendor for the sake of, not only in memory of my dearly missed Rock hopper, that I believe found it's way to the fishy depths of Charlottetown harbour by nefarious hands...

Anne: bike scourge of Green Gables

But for everyone who , despite the best of precautions, has fallen victim to their local bike scourge.

It's now with a pat on the bum for my assistant and a flourishes of wool/poly blend that I set out to get to the bottom of this. My newly donned altruism will be deterred by neither ghost guised theme park owner or syndicated bike thugs. I hope I get to pistol whip someone, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

This should be a good distraction from my usual quest for coherency. I'll let you know how it develops.
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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Only to Church on Sundays...

Truth in advertising is commonplace in this neck of the woods, because defenses that start with "Caveat Emptor" usually get cut of with stiff one to the kisser. Pitter, patter let's git at 'er!

"I have a really worn 307, 423,000 kms. Mainly all i used this car for was getin rite out of er and slamin it from reverse to first, and first to reverse, This car will certialny handle a dry rev of the worste kind. 7 passanger rumble seat in back, great party car. prob rear end is nearly shot , but that would be the leasts of my worries with the transmission, reverse and second gear still seem to be there. there is still 2 trips 2 town on the back tires, and it is welded posi. Will trade for army tank, elan, phazer, cavaier, 4wd, ford sit on lawn mower or a 1979 panatera 5000( must have cleted track) . 3200.00 obo, may consider other trades."

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I don't like sports so much as geek rap. These guys on the other hand have an appreciation for both.

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Monday, March 9, 2009

Slow Moving

In my bloggeuring down time (time in which I kick training out of pre-base and juggle schedules for the only two jobs I can find) I have been ruminating on some concepts for this here blog and for the upcoming Acadie Underground film fest. I just want to have my best foot forward, right? There's really, in all honesty, more to it than that. Let me give you the low down on the throw down.

Gorgeous Gary Duguay Production Corp. (I added the .Corp for nefariousness sake) has taken the grande prize at the prestigious Acadie Underground film festival (the longest running Super 8 film festival in the modern world) for the last 5 years. GGDP.corp has had a strong hold on this medium (media?) for far too long and there no arguement that it's a time for change. I've taken it upon myself to take on this behemoth and wrench from his steely grasp the jury he's held so long in sway and I'm gonna get the hundred bucks prize money. It is unfortunate that Gourgeous Gary is a friend of mine (as is his vessel Rick), i will consider this when my time to gloat has come.

Now, I'm not expecting to get out of this any better than James Wood got out of his predicament, but I've applied my couch time to film school 1oh1. A moderate course load and proper class preparation are key. I've included some inspirational and educational film selections below.

Lone Wolf and Cub(Kozure Okami) - Rule of thumb for blood in film: Volume, volume, volume!

Justice Stress(Romain Gavras) - Keep the audience engaged, and then give them what they deserve. A punch in the face!

The Icicle Thief - Even if you haven't seen The Bicycle Thief(Vittorio de Sica). Perceive perception. It's all yours, do whatever you want with it... or is it?

La Jetée(Chris Marker) - Low-fi is easy, inspirational and damned good.

Forbidden Planet(Robby, The Robot) - (x) = Awesome, if x= Legs, invisible monsters, ray guns, and strong arming.

Elevator to the Gallows(Louis Malle) - Your film may not be famous (just super cool!), but there is still history to be made. i.e. Miles Davis's "TEO" as soundtrack.

Besides all of this preparation I do have a trick up my sleave. I've aquired my own top of the line, fancy pants Super 8 camera(placing mere decades behind the modern equivalent) and it's equipped with "Slow Motion Technology". I'm now capable of filming silent movies of beautiful women smoking in black and white at 30 frames per second. The best $10 I ever spent!

Do some homework and I'll await your inspired suggestions.

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A good bloggeur will borrow ideas...

A great one will steal them!

I think any of you sticklers for continuity will have notice I'm not so good with schedules. I've been conducting an experiment in procrastination, that's all. I guess I'm just not a real Bloggeur. I'm not sure if you all dig post that are in frequent to the point of 8 word per minute spasms or daily updates with no regard for quality, coherence, or bike relation. I'm going to experiment now with the latter.

Since, my last post there has been a robbery for which there is no insurance. In memorandum here some good music for bad people.

From the dude who could have ended up just another skull T-shirt wearing, one man geek-a-alooza; a legacy of enviable Freakdom. Here's 69 tears from 69 eyes for Lux Interior: RIP

I did do something productive for the kids at ECMTB. It's dramatization of true story. It's something of a coming of age story or a play by play of one boys balls dropping. Depending on what you read between the lines. Check it here.

I sat on one particular gem waaay too long and Stevil got it. Curse him and his all seeing mailbag. For those of you who check this blog on the regular. Where's my $#^%ing mail! I'm posting it anyway.

Izzz Radtardeed? No?

Until I start getting some contributions I'm forced to ration my awesoments. Until tomorrow. Whether you like it not.

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