Selflessness: the unspoken code of the Private Dick

Maybe, it's something in the fancy brown water they were feeding me over the weekend in monkey town or my time alone the New Brunswick outback (approximately 15 ungodly minutes from downtown Fredericton) that has awakened in me a fervent altruism. While, perusing my morning publications I found this at HTATBL.

I laughed a lot and thought of all this laughs to come this week, like I do every Monday morning. At this point, I was living only for my own gain, no thought to thee strife of others or how I might help them with their unfortunate outcome on the terrestrial craps table we scramble around on. Allah's die giveth, and then grabbeth right back. This all became real to me when I found this.

selling mountion bikes all colours have 10 of them Price: $180.00

Ad ID: 113674466 Visits: 11

Address: Fredericton, NB View map

Location: Fredericton

Date Listed: 15-Mar-09

hi im selling 10 mountion bikes selling 1 bike for $180 ok i have 10 mountion bikes and want to sell them for $180 for 1 and if u want to buy 1 wrighte me back thanks chris

Hmmmm. This looks like it could be a mystery worthy of fueling up the mystery machine, even at $.84 a litre. I try to be diplomatic in my appraisal of just about everything. So, I'm gonna do some holistic research before I grab my overcoat with a flourish and tell my secretary to hold all my calls for the day.

By my calculations...

there are two different possibilities the reason this person has come to sell 10 bicycles. Possibility A and B.

Possibility A- A collector and avid cyclist has found himself in dire financial need and is forced sell of his entire stable to make ends meet. It's already painfully obvious that his savings for further education in the field of freelance "wrighting" has dwindled. If I understand correctly, he has taken the $1800 value of his entire fleet given an equal value to all the bikes. This is probably for accounting reasons. This is perfectly legitimate and there is no need of my sleuthing prowess.

Possibility B- All of these bikes have been procured from their original owners and the current custodian has no idea of value of the whips and is selling them in the least imaginative fencing scheme known. I must contact this man and identify the bicycles, before he is contacted by the wrong people, cornered and stoops to bashing their headsets in, a la low life, Keith Barton.

I realize these are on opposite extremes of the spectrum of reasonable possibilities. Don't make me remind your the extreme nature of my diplomacy in rationalizing. It's to late, now, anyway. I've made contact with the vendor for the sake of, not only in memory of my dearly missed Rock hopper, that I believe found it's way to the fishy depths of Charlottetown harbour by nefarious hands...

Anne: bike scourge of Green Gables

But for everyone who , despite the best of precautions, has fallen victim to their local bike scourge.

It's now with a pat on the bum for my assistant and a flourishes of wool/poly blend that I set out to get to the bottom of this. My newly donned altruism will be deterred by neither ghost guised theme park owner or syndicated bike thugs. I hope I get to pistol whip someone, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

This should be a good distraction from my usual quest for coherency. I'll let you know how it develops.