Mommy? Where did I come from?

A photo of young bikecart touring Europe with a shady fixed gear instead of college.

This aboration was sent from Z.dwndr. I'm not sure how bikes like this come to be, but I think, maybe, it went a little something like this (insert windchimes and wavey picture fade out):

-The scene is a party with many in attendance-

Host: Hey, bike. Nice pie plate. I hope your enjoying yourself.

Bike: Yeah, these tiny sausages are amazing. I haven't seen you since you painted over my obscene rust with a brush and some oil base. What times we had.

Grocery Produce Cart: Hey, hi you doin'. What's your seat tube 15"... 14"?
-sidling up to the petite step through-

B: Oh, you know how to make a girl feel good about her frame. i'm okay, I guess. Starting to get a little tipsy, though. Hehe.
-gently places her hand on GPC's cast steel gusset-

H: Don't have to many of the wieners, bike. You don't want to ruin your appetite.

-A few hours pass-

B: Great party! I haven't danshed this much since College! Whoooaaa!

H: Um... yeah sure. Is that vomit on your solid rubber tire?

B: Don't worry. It'sh not mine.

GPC: Yeah, baby. Lay off that coaster brake. We're not stopping , yet. Shake it like a polaroid picha'!

-couple staggers of between a recumbant and a unicycle heated debating Eddie Mercks' performance in the '76 Paris-Roubaix-

-A few hours later a screeching of metal on metal is drowning out Celine Dione's "My heart will go on". It seems to be coming from an upstairs bedroom-

H: Oh! good lord.
-squeak, squeak-

Fixed gear: Screwing in the spare room. That's so hipster!
-Adjusting none perscription glasses and looking smug-

B: (muffled) More Phil's Tenacious! More!

GPC: *wait until I tell the meat cart about this. He's bucket going spiiiiin!*

B: Do you have any presta-schrader adapters?

GPC: Don't worry, baby. I'm universal.

-Furious screeching of metal-

-9 months later-

GPC has joined the military and was shipped of to afganiraqovakia for peace keeping. He was last seen loaded with improvised explosive devices being sold back to the rebels. His court marshal is pending.

Bike was left destitute with the burden of rearing a special needs child and forced to move to Las Vegas and perform as an exotic dancer. Interbike is biggest week.