Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Focus. Strike!

Things are getting not getting back to normal, but that's good, because normal is sometimes shitty and trying to get back to it, is pointless. Change is good, that's why I have an ashtray full of it. It's the bathtub full of doll heads I have a hard time explaining. I don't tell you what to do with your friends.

I alluded earlier that I was moving and now I have moved in the past tense. I have secured residence in a reputedly haunted house. Though, I 've experience no ethereal contact as of yet, I'm sure it will just be a matter of time before the friendly specter points out the stash of vintage girlie mags.

Old gentleman's rags are a rare find without the help of the spirit world.

I like the new place as it reminds me of past apartments that have been favorites. It's one bedroom, low maintenance, the windows are open in May and stay that way until September.
The refrigerator keeps beer cold, the floors have a fresh coat of paint, and the ambiance is completed by a soft, but constant, loop of Jacques Brel's "La Bouree du Celibataire".

You tell 'em, Jackie! Let them eat fist!

We are officially ankle deep in summer now. The Victoria's Secret race was a gas. Simmer took the win for the home town team after 4 x 9km laps in under 2 hours. Well done! I had a rough first lap. I sprung leak in may front tire and lost about 15 lbs of pressure before the Stan's fluid plugged the hole and then the tire burped itself down to 19...17...13...10...0lbs. For most of the lap I was all over the place and spent some serious time in the rhubarb. A quick pump stop and I was off with little more incidence. Two heavy season from a set of shoes is all you can really ask, I guess. I raced with the elites, and passed up a pretty good shot at the podium in my B cat, but I'm a bang for the buck kind of guy and I'll take a mid-pack finish to ride an extra lap with the big kids.

A mullet waves in the breeze
Rear wheel hovers, spins
Wistful prayer the front holds (h)air

Haiku You!

This weekend brings one of the only local events on the MTB Calendar; The Woolastook 5 Hour Challenge in Fredericton, NB. I'll be ponied up on the new incarnation of Tina, the C-dale 1FG. I'll have some pictures soon. She's pretty cute. Singlespeed Solo for 5 hours. I can taste the Ibuprofen now... or is that victory. It 'm excited to see what my good friend and nemesis, Craigeur, brings to the table.

Rejected: I have no official reason for the poster's rejection, but I think
the organizers felt that it missed some key market segments;
guidance counselors
and complete pussies.

If the weather holds out this promises to be a complete shit show of radtardedness and if you're planning on attending the event and in town the day before, some locals are planning a group ride on the super secret Islandview/Tree Farm trails. You will want to ride this loop, so get in touch with old Lucky if needs some details.

Another event is probably causing some scheduling angst for the masochist crowd. The Saturday of the same weekend is the "Who's your Daddy?" adventure race hosted by Natural Selection AR. I've been wanting to try one of these, but something tells me it might be a bit much for a warm-up this weekend. We'll see. By all means, though, if you into it, get on to it.

Some are just addicted to adventure in a big way.

And then there's this

How's that for gratuitous. I barely even segued into it. Ha!

Until next time, may a friendly ghost stroke your hair while you sleep and may your poo sparkle like a new dime.

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Friday, May 21, 2010

Victoria's Secret: I bet it's a cog shaped birthmark

*Edit: I was so pumped when I wrote this it all just came out perfect and then I forgot to hit the publish button and now it's screwed. Oh, well. I'll just edit it. The spin department here at psyclepathic is calling it the first installment in the 'time machine series'.

Busy, busy, busy. I got shit on the go. Unanticipated apartment hunting and moving. Some shorty with a hatchet eying up my job for a slashing -> Shit! Committees and do-gooding. Last, but not least, riding bikes on dirt, like we may run out of it someday.

For those of you wondering where the updates are, I've said it in the past and I like it so, I'll say it again. I haven't been waiting all this time for perfect blogging weather.

The Victoria's Secret race is this weekend. This weekend that happens to be a long one for us north of the border types. Victoria Day! Say what you will about an estranged and bizarre monarchy up here, but no one is complaining when the old May Two-Four shows up on the calendar. I will be hitting that shit, like it's a COED in matching Super Girl pajamas and pillow case. With my own Batman pillow, of course.

Notice: No super tanlines. Must be one of her powers.

Edit: The picture didn't lose any of it's impact, that's for sure. The race was great 115+ riders, great course. I rode with the A cat dudes and finished mid pack-ish with one flat tire. I usually ride B cat, but if the elite guys get to do more laps then it's bang for the buck that trumps. Does this make any sense?

I've actually planned what I'm calling the Inaugural South Eastern New Brunswick Greatest Misses MTB Epeeek! Camping and biking around the region laying waste to all of the bits of single track that I miss the most. The Bluff in Sussex, NB; Green Snake in Alma, NB; White Rock Park in Hillsborough, NB and the race in Truro, NS, if only, to incorporate a neighboring province and fortify the epeeekness of the tour, and in case I start feeling guilty for doing so much riding for free.

I did the tour as planned. It was awesome. I can't imagine a better way to spend one's weekend. I even bagged off work on Tuesday and caught the final short track event of Mike's Bike Shop Cup. This is the best little race series; super fun, even in the rain. Lessons were learned and growth was growed. I learn that it takes a special sort of person to camp in the middle of nowhere alone and Craiguer learned that you should call your track if you intend to pass another rider. Another rider with with his knuckle on one nostril, especially.

I want to shout out, now, to my provincial governing body of cycling, VeloNB. I needed a last minute race license and they came through for me within hours of my plea. Sheila, if ever I become involved in a fire I'm not leaving until it's your arms that carry me out, and with the last breathe left in my lungs I will sing the Bodyguard theme song while you whisk me to safety.

Glamour shot

Sheila keeps the local cycling and racing community close to heart and close to home. Her son is none other than Stuart Wight, a junior who's attracting some serious attention and not just on this side of the big drink. The Pavé loves him and he's headed for some respectable palmares.

While I'm at it, I may as well yell something for the kids at Outdoor Elements, Sussex, NB. I missed Johnny 'Big Air' McNair, but Cole set my local compass for me and was a portrait of mud-caked hospitality.

Towns I've lived in are sometimes like ex's, in that, sometimes I miss them, but mostly just for the riding. (Ohhh! That's right I said it!) My old stomping grounds are assuring you that you will most likely, probably, under normal circumstances not die while trying to ride your from cougar bar A to strip club B. Because, that's how they roll in Monkeytown: Deshabillé (pronounced ds-bl, -b. Don't say you never learned anything from Lucky).

Vo2 Max sent me this handsome NS Cycling Calendar to forward to you all in the Inner "never-never" nettes. BNS has some great events that I wouldn't imagine missing. Gorefest 8 Hour is giving me wood and saddles sore at the same time. This will show up again, but you should start planning now, what with the costumes to make and furniture for bonfires to collect.

Posters? I have submitted a poster for the local challenge coming in June. A little thing we call the Woolastook 5. There were only 2 submissions to my knowledge. Here they are. You be the judge. Which race do you blood-thirsty heathens want to go to?


I don't know wtf is wrong with this picture. Click it to see it see a bigger/clearer one.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I thought.

Well, I'm off like prom dress. Have a stellar long weekend, fellow Canadians, and Yankee (Confederate?) readers try and find yourself a queen and maybe, take Monday off to appreciate the royal family jewels.

You did, didn't you?

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Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Ladies love it

That's committed to your lovin', ladies.

I've been poaching pics and laughs from Miss Julia Segal at Skull Swap a lot lately. That's where I got the pic of Mr. Right above. Meme blogs (That's what I call them, anyway) are something I'm just getting into and hers is one of my favs.

Riding has been stellar. Trails are in impeccable shape and I'm noticing tons of riders are really stoked for the upcoming season. Even some dyed in the wool roadies, who only dust of their mountain bikes once the last crit has been staged are posting up rides on local forums.

It's time to talk race schedule. My man Yertle has put together a regional velocepedal enthusiast calendar together and it's pretty concise and will be updated regularly. It's what I used to plan out when it's going to cost me to ride my bike and when I can ride for free to get fast enough to validate paying. Here it is. You'll notice that Bruce at Hub Cycles in Truro, NS has the MTB season opener this year with Victoria's Secret. I here, via Simmer and Vo2, the loop will be long and will have lots of new singletrack, if you were there last year.

I try to keep readers abreast of local events and races and keep my ear pretty close to the ground, but If you have an event and would like to have it on here you should get in touch. I like correspondence with real people and swanky event posters.

Konarider informed me of a neat contest for those of you who are very creative. If you don't know who you are check and see if you're using a mac. Okay. Is there an empty coffee cup near by? If you answered yes to both of these then you are, for all intent and purposes, creative. If you are using a PC and it's surrounded with tissues and lotions, you could probably be spending your time more productively. The Nova Scotia Museum is looking for some suggestions as to how bikes can be raked in an artsy fashion. Do your thing.

Lastly, before I post this well over due correspondence (the innernettes do not flavour with age). The Rick Hanson Foundation is getting ready for it's Wheels in Motion days across Canada (USA?). I got involved with this last year with a local YMCA team and it was a lot of fun and pretty damned enlightening. If you can find out if your community is putting something on, drop by and check it out. I did an extensive write up about last years, but I can't seem to find it. I'll keep looking.

Husslin' with flare.

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Wednesday, April 28, 2010

WTF have I been doing? WTF have you been doin, Rockstar.

I made some great plans for this past weekend, wrapped them in brown paper, tied it all up with bailing twine, and dropped the whole works in the trash. That's just where stuff ends up sometimes. Doubtfire had his stag in Monkeytown on Saturday, so I wrote of my Wolfville-Roubaix driving buddy with a pre-diagnosis of Moosehead fever (thousands every year are afflicted)

Instead, I went to a trail build day at the Islandview/ Tree Farm trails. The site is an experimental tree farm, where they grow thousands of trees. What do they do with the trees? Experiments, of course. They have this back forty they aren't using, so they let us use it. Most of the trails were built by a local fellow who has since had to move cities, but what a legacy he's left behind. I don't have the distances, but the loop is a good 1.5-2 hour ride a of classic technical east coast single track that is tucked away off a gated fire road that is long enough to make walking to the trail a real pain. The only other users I have seen on this trail system are not only mountain bikers, but friends of mine. It's great!


there is one muddy, mucky, swampy section that is the bane. People have tried to figure out a new route to no avail. Planks and small logs were laid down, which worked for a while and then turned to more mushy, decayed organic matter. It's shitty! You may remember when the hammer dropped last fall and plans were laid and most of the materials hauled in (see "gated fire road... real pain" above), well that got snowed on very suddenly.

It was shitty. Not anymore. In fact, with a little more work it should become the highlight of the loop. A crew of about 6-7 went out last weekend and put in a very full day and now we have some real solid, most importantly, ridable results. Do I have pictures, you ask? F@ck yeah!

Skiimo sawin'

Gill dirtin'

Sean hammerin', and me, I did some rockin' (very few of these ~80lb bastards did any rollin')

Yertle Smilin'. Trust me, that's how he smiles.

There are some more pics here.

This mud that you see is not just a springtime condition. It's pretty much all year round and if you don't watch your step you be in over you fashionable 3/4 calf socks. One more good build day and I would say that the entire expanse of swamp will be bridged and only the unfortunate will have to get sullied.

Edit: All this shit happened, like, 2 weeks ago I just never finished the post in a timely manner. So, sue me. I'm gonna start a new one now.

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Monday, April 12, 2010

Ride Early, Ride Strong.

The illness has passed. I had come down with a cough before leaving for NC and the issuing physical beat down and exertion cultivated a full on lung infection. After attempting a 60km ride (the only exercise in 2 weeks) and really, literally feeling that every breathe was filling my lungs with brimstone. I though I had better see the doc. It turns out it wasn't the "Rockin' Pneumonia" and the "shots of Rythm and Blues" I had been taking were simply placebos. The real diagnosis required horse pills and bed rest, and lots of it.Well, that's the last of it, I think. The coughing has subsided and my expectoration has reached it's phlegm launching pinnacle.

Give me my black belt.

It's been a rough year for illness. I think I'll hit the local health'o'mart for some pro biotic, voodoo cocktail. A patchouli scented co-worker of mine says that have a concoction for post antibiotic, lung recovering. It will only cost a small fortune, because health plans like mine won't cover anything that will keep you from falling ill, only pharmaceuticals to keep you alive and paying your premiums.

Upon being well enough to covertly mingle with living I made way to Woolastook Park for a trail day. Pretty much the usual tasks: Clearing dead falls and cutting back the more eager brush from trail side. This day was unique in that there was not a leaf rake to be seen. Trail Maestro, Mr. Yertle, pick himself up a new toy, and seeing this marvel of European two stroke engineering in action is the only way you would believe it's awesominity (So in awe was I, that this word was born.)

Hot damn, the trails were in such good shape. It is practically unheard of to have access to trails for maintenance this early, let alone, for riding. Which is exactly what I used them for the very next day. I'm no mucker when it comes to riding wet trails. That's what double track is for; early season wet riding. I rode every foot of the new course outline for the upcoming Woolastook 5 hour race, completely guilt and mud free. Un-f@ckin-precedented.

Some friends just ripped up Green Snake in Alma, NB. If you're visiting the loverly Fundy National Park and looking for some riding. This trail would be the best thing going that is close by, unless you're poaching hiking trails in the park. Like double fisting whiskey and rum. I've done. I don't condone it. Green Snake is multiuse, but welcome to MTBers. Here's a vid from Rosy.

Not one snake. Nothing to worry about.

I have amassed all of the required parts and will have my new single speed assembled and photo ready by next posting. It will be provocative. It will be scandalous. It will get me some podium. That's the plan, anyway. Has podium become more important to me than ass?

I'll have to learn to ride with no hands. (via skull swap)

Things are shaping up for road trip with Skiimo and Doubtfire to hit the Wolfville-Roubaix. I have to get Doubtfire so drunk on Saturday that he won't be able read the city limit signs the next morning.

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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Birthday booty.

What do you get the person who has everything?

Sub this music and turn it up.

Happy Birthday to me.

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